Here’s something that will never change.

Heart broken. Again.

Like my friends always say, I really know how to pick ’em! Take what they want (or get) then leave. This is seriously not fair! I want a relationship where it works both ways. Not something where it works for a couple of days then goes down hill. 

But according to my generation, that doesn’t happen. And I’m so sick of it.

Why can’t there be a suitable guy for me? Why can’t guys start to get serious? If this was the early 1900’s everyone my age would be engaged to marry in the spring then expect their first baby 9 months later. The only serious relationship I have is with my razor blade. What a tough life. -.-

Was it THE cabin?

Just after I finished my last post I went for a bush walk up to the top of one of the hills surround the town.  Let’s just say, it was interesting.

The fresh scent of Eucalyptus, the song of Bell Birds, the crunches of my footsteps filled the atmosphere. 20 degrees Celsius, overcast and about to rain I walked up the steep track and stairs to one of the look outs. I had never seen anything quite like the view! Starting from the left I could see the lake, then the football stadium, the hospital, the church, the shopping centre and all the homes. I stood on the edge of the cliff Letting the breeze run through my hair. But I heard footsteps. And they weren’t coming from the track… 

I continued my journey along watching the different angles of the view change as I walk further and further. Down the track was a figure, sitting on a rock. I froze. “Could this be the persons footsteps I heard?” I was thinking. I hid behind a tree paranoid this figure could attack me at any moment. And what made the situation worse was, I was far away from civilization and by myself with no water. But I stared at the figure for a while and realized it was a statue. So I walked up to it and found the eyes had been crossed out with a sharp object and both hands were cut off. I started to worry.

I pressed on through my negative thoughts and kept walking. The footsteps still following me. I got to a fork in the track. Robert Frost once said “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I’m sorry I could not travel both”, I was sorry I didn’t take the other track. I walked along thinking of what school would be like this year and keeping an ear out for those footsteps. But they had stopped… What? 

I got to a road and decided I’ll follow it, knowing curiosity killed to cat I kept going. I saw this Cabin. And it looked just like the one from Cabin In The Woods. I knew I had to get out of there. This was not right. 

I ran back down the track. I didn’t care about the tree branches hitting me, I WANTED OUT AND FAST! I heard voices and saw shadows of figures lurking from where I just came from. I ran faster. Running out of breath and getting dizzy, I went off track away from sight and calmed down. It was quiet. The only sound was of nature going on with it’s daily life. I convinced myself I was just being paranoid and I watch too many horror films. So, I continued. I got about half way between the cabin and the road where the track started before I hear footsteps again. But this time I saw the figure. I wasn’t imaging it. It was there! 

I heard the masculine voice of a grown man call out “Stop, or you’ll get it!”. I ran as fast as I could. Saying my prayers to God because I knew, He’d either get me out in time or, this man will do unspeakable things to me. 

“Oi you little shit, I’ll get you hahaha!” He yelled again. I could see he was holding some form of knife. “You’re not fit enough to run the rest of the way and I bet I can find you if you hide!”. He was right. I wasn’t fit enough to run the rest of the way and he probably knew this whole area really well. But adrenaline made me keep running. That was until I fell, hit my head on a rock and was complete knocked out cold. But I knew. He got me.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/06/weekly-writing-challenge-cliffhanger/

“That’s wack!”

Image

Kelvin and Carrie decided to walk through a shopping centre dressed up. I took the photo so obviously I’m not in it.
(Kelvin: left, Carrie: middle, Friend: right)

About two months ago I moved out of home. My mother said I was “uncontrollable”. So here’s my first question, how can one be uncontrollable is another didn’t try to control? Yes, I did stay out until all hours of the night. But in my defence the person I was out with made me. He (yes, this is a he) would insist on us going for drives and late night maccas runs, or if a person was in need, he felt like it was his duty to help. Which generally meant he’d try and get in their pants… I’ll continue about him in a second. 

So, my mother never said for me not to go out and she never told me a curfew time. But I always told her where I was going and if there was a change of plans, I would let her know! So can someone please tell me how this is uncontrollable? If anything she was. She would pick on my step dad until he’d crack and have a go at her. He even smashed his laptop up because he was sick of her accusing him of either watching pornography or doing something she wouldn’t want. There have even been times where my step dad has taken off for days or even weeks just to get away from her… I honestly don’t know what to think when this happens. Good thing I am no longer in that environment!

Okay, this guy *Kelvin was my bestfriend. I had met him though a fellow foster kid some years back and we kinda just clicked. We added each other on Facebook and started talking heaps and just about random stuff. It was perfect. Well.. Too perfect to be true. And I was right. *Kelvin began to grow feelings for me and they got really strong, but the thing was, I didn’t feel the same for him. What through me off was the constant flirting. I’m the type that would much rather a conversation about something meaningful rather than the whole “if you say so hehe xx” thing. But that could also be because of my maturity level. Anyway, I knew he had very heavy feeling for me but I needed to hear it for myself, so I asked him. He replied with yes and rambled on about how much of a good person I was and how attractive and pretty was. But me being me, freaking out because I was 14 and he was 17. I had no real experience with guys and relationships. I had no idea what people would think I were to date this 17 year old, even though I didn’t like him in that way. So in a moment of freaking out, desperation and clear panic I told him I was a lesbian… With a very close friend of mine. I know. Not very mature and most certainly not the right way to handle the situation. But I did not know what to do. All I knew was that I had hurt him… A lot. He said to me that girls did that sort of thing all the time to him and he used the excuse that he was very over weight. I did feel bad for a very long time. We did stop talk that day. And I didn’t hear from him for months.not did I really want to. I forgot about him very quickly.

A few months later he saw me walking down a street and texted me. We sorted everything out. And it took a while but we became close again. But even closer this time. he had gotten into a relationship with *Carrie, a 15 year old, 9th grade student at one of the Christian schools on the lower region of the postal code. She was very pretty and extremely smart! 

*kelvin would always ask me for relationship advice. I hadn’t met the girl yet but I felt like I already knew her! When we did meet we got on. It was like the perfect scenario for him. The girlfriend and the bestfriend got on. Everything was cherry pie for a while. But as *Kelvin got more female friends, the more jealous *Carrie became. But that was what I was told. This is where problems started occurring.

The thing I only recently found out was that she wasn’t jealous… Well maybe a little but not enough for it to be a big problem between them. She just wanted *Kelvin to find more guy friends. 

Anyway. *about six weeks before *Carrie broke up with *Kelvin, his sister was having a party. I went to it with him. We got absolutely drunk! And we did some things. There it was. He cheated on *Carrie. That was the first time. About 5 days after, I came home from work early because I had a cold and working on drive-thru in the middle of winter wasn’t the best I went home. So, he came over to look after me but after my parents went to bed, he pulled out the moves and I lost my virginity to him, on my sofa. Strike two. This whole having sex with him became a habit. We’d go out and do the deed in the back of his car at a look out or he would drive to a rural area.
It got to a point where we had to stop. *Carrie was still in the picture. But no *Kelvin wanted to keep going and so we did until his relationship was ended by her. Yes, he was chattered. One thing I never understood was, if he was madly in love with her like he always said after the break up, why did he cheat on her so many times?  But that didn’t stop him and I. I never wanted to put a name on us. But when people  asked if we were dating and so on *Kelvin would say “no we’re just fuck buddies”. That was so rude. Urgh. 

I thought I was in love with this guy. But he wanted me unhappy. He got what he wanted. I dated this guy. *Kelvin had no one so he broke my boyfriend and I up. and because I was upset, just like the first time, he took advantage of me. The jerk. Then *Kelvin met these other girls. and started doing the whole pre-dating flirting thing. Little did he know, I was pregnant, and the child was his. But with the stress of him and I fighting, I miscarried. Thinking about it now, it was a good thing. Having his child would give me a life long connection to him. I could not stand that. 

I got kicked out of home, and I moved in with a family that did not like him. and he wasn’t happy about that so I ended the friendship.  That was two months ago. He still texts abuse to me and sends horrible snapchats to me. He needs to move on. 

As I was writing about this, thoughts of things he said came into my head like “I suppose I only liked you because I was fat and willing to lower myself to anything”, “I don’t and never will like you” (five minutes later) “You can’t have sex with someone you’re not attracted to” 

His ex and I are friends now. And I did tell her everything that happened. She isn’t mad. But we can now relate to things together. So in a way, a retarded story has a good ending… I think?

Really?

3 hours sleep is always fun.

The only real thing that I’m happy about today is the fact I get to see my sister. Unlike most siblings, all of mine get along. It took a while. But we do!
Toria and Trisha are really the only ones who fully understand the horribleness of our mother (besides me and all of her ex partners). We go to Trisha’s house and sit around drink a lot of coffee and talk about things from the past. Reminisce in the good times and talk through the bad.

Yesterday, there was some trouble. This guy cheated on this girl. I was friends with this mistress. Then I revealed their little secret “love” affair.
Yes, I did ruin that friendship. But then again it was for the better. I could not be friends with someone like her. She dresses and so on like a slut, and unfortunately, I was being dragged to the low look. She “missed” sex. So she did whatever she could to get it. That involved getting involved with her bestfriend’s ex. But safe to say the bestfriend and her ex, well boyfriend, are happy together being back in each others lives.

Totally gone of topic. Okay, well. Because of this, I posted a status on Facebook, “You got caught, how funny.”. This was to the mistress. But because the guys family thinks everything I post on the internet is about them.
Which brings me to my next thing… How are they viewing what I post if I have blocked the entire family?
The mother, the silly woman she is, decided to post on one of my closest friends status demanding someone to tell me to unblock the family. But because *Lauren said she wanted nothing to do with anything, the family jumped on her. She, too, suffers from Depression and Anxiety, and as low as it is, one of the family members decided to bully her about it.

I actually could not believe it. I mean this is a mother. This is also a foster carer…
I have been in terrible homes. If that woman is willing to cyber bully teenagers, what the heck is she doing to her foster kid?

The sooner I change my number and get an AVO against those whom I truly need it against, the happier I will be…