God, Drugs and Sex?

Really Anberlin? Do they really not mean a thing? 

I have seem to realize that they are the exact things that do matter. In every teenagers life. Especially a 17 year old girl. 

WHen life turns for the worse like it has the past few months I have found myself falling into drugs and lust trap and leaving my spiritual beliefs behind. I think I am becoming addicted to pot and sex. Whether this is a teenage thing and you grow out of it I will never know. But I just can’t get my mind off them. I love the effects of the drug and the calmness it brings. I forget everything. I forget about the bitches at school and all my life dramas. But when I come off it, I am left empty and need something to fill it. That’s where the sex comes in.

To me, it does mean something. It actually means a lot. And having someone so close to me is something intimate. But why am I so obsessed? Is it the person or the pleasure? I mean the person I am sleeping with is amazing. I have liked him for a very long time. And it may be turning into love… Which for me is quite dangerous, as we all know. But there is still that chemical stimulating my brain. He actually treats me like shit. And I know that. I feel like shit every time he’s a dickhead to me… But I keep running back to him. He fills a hole I think either my mother or my ex left. And I somehow feel contempt with that. 

As for God, I actually don’t know where to begin with that. I feel as though my faith was shaken a long time. And I am not sure what make me not want to go back to church but I just no longer want to be there. I don’t wish it was different. Because I feel as when I don’t go I am fine and when I do, I feel like shit and worthless. I don’t know whether that’s the people or just my emotion towards the place. 

I honestly don’t know where I am going. But I guess I just needed to get a lot of things off my chest. Yay hahah. I hope the odds or ever in my favor.

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How Do I Know if My Boyfriend’s a Psychopath?

When you first started dating your boyfriend you felt like the luckiest girl in the world, but now you’re starting to feel like maybe you weren’t so lucky after all. Like a cat hypnotizing a mouse, psychopaths draw people in before they start attempting to manipulate and control them. Here are some signs that your boyfriend might be a psychopath.

He’s Very Charismatic – His outgoing personality and story telling capabilities are part of his charms. He’s a smooth talker who always knows the perfect thing to say and exactly when to say it.

A Huge Ego – He thinks he’s the best catch around and he’s not afraid to let you know how lucky you are to have him. As far as he’s concerned, no one else is smarter or richer than he is.

Too Much Too Soon –Very early on, he will start trying to convince you that you are his soulmate and tell you that he loves you. He will work hard to break down your emotional barriers with constant physical contact.

He Lies Constantly – He’s constantly telling you lie after lie. If you do catch him in a lie, he will tap dance around the issue and tell you that you must have heard him wrong the first time.

Friendship Red Flags – You will notice that he might know a lot of people, but he has no close friends. He will slowly start pulling you away from your friends so that you’re spending all of your time with him. Once he’s all you’ve got, he will have more control over you.

It’s Never His Fault – None of his previous breakups were his fault. If something happens in your relationship with him, he will immediately twist it around and make it your fault.

He’s Manipulative – He attempts to control you and make you do everything he wants to do. If you want to do something, he will call you selfish for having interests that don’t center around him.

He Insults You – He tells mean jokes about you or insults you in front of your family and friends. When you tell him how it makes you feel, he will say you’re too sensitive, or that he was only joking.

He’s Never Sorry – When he hurts you he never feels sorry and has no empathy towards you. He will tell you that you’re overreacting, and even if he says he’s sorry his words are insincere.