Really Anberlin? Do they really not mean a thing?
I have seem to realize that they are the exact things that do matter. In every teenagers life. Especially a 17 year old girl.
WHen life turns for the worse like it has the past few months I have found myself falling into drugs and lust trap and leaving my spiritual beliefs behind. I think I am becoming addicted to pot and sex. Whether this is a teenage thing and you grow out of it I will never know. But I just can’t get my mind off them. I love the effects of the drug and the calmness it brings. I forget everything. I forget about the bitches at school and all my life dramas. But when I come off it, I am left empty and need something to fill it. That’s where the sex comes in.
To me, it does mean something. It actually means a lot. And having someone so close to me is something intimate. But why am I so obsessed? Is it the person or the pleasure? I mean the person I am sleeping with is amazing. I have liked him for a very long time. And it may be turning into love… Which for me is quite dangerous, as we all know. But there is still that chemical stimulating my brain. He actually treats me like shit. And I know that. I feel like shit every time he’s a dickhead to me… But I keep running back to him. He fills a hole I think either my mother or my ex left. And I somehow feel contempt with that.
As for God, I actually don’t know where to begin with that. I feel as though my faith was shaken a long time. And I am not sure what make me not want to go back to church but I just no longer want to be there. I don’t wish it was different. Because I feel as when I don’t go I am fine and when I do, I feel like shit and worthless. I don’t know whether that’s the people or just my emotion towards the place.
I honestly don’t know where I am going. But I guess I just needed to get a lot of things off my chest. Yay hahah. I hope the odds or ever in my favor.
“No one can walk away truly alive”
Anberlin have the best lyrics for no matter what mood you’re in. I just wish they could help me change everything.
3 hours sleep is always fun.
The only real thing that I’m happy about today is the fact I get to see my sister. Unlike most siblings, all of mine get along. It took a while. But we do!
Toria and Trisha are really the only ones who fully understand the horribleness of our mother (besides me and all of her ex partners). We go to Trisha’s house and sit around drink a lot of coffee and talk about things from the past. Reminisce in the good times and talk through the bad.
Yesterday, there was some trouble. This guy cheated on this girl. I was friends with this mistress. Then I revealed their little secret “love” affair.
Yes, I did ruin that friendship. But then again it was for the better. I could not be friends with someone like her. She dresses and so on like a slut, and unfortunately, I was being dragged to the low look. She “missed” sex. So she did whatever she could to get it. That involved getting involved with her bestfriend’s ex. But safe to say the bestfriend and her ex, well boyfriend, are happy together being back in each others lives.
Totally gone of topic. Okay, well. Because of this, I posted a status on Facebook, “You got caught, how funny.”. This was to the mistress. But because the guys family thinks everything I post on the internet is about them.
Which brings me to my next thing… How are they viewing what I post if I have blocked the entire family?
The mother, the silly woman she is, decided to post on one of my closest friends status demanding someone to tell me to unblock the family. But because *Lauren said she wanted nothing to do with anything, the family jumped on her. She, too, suffers from Depression and Anxiety, and as low as it is, one of the family members decided to bully her about it.
I actually could not believe it. I mean this is a mother. This is also a foster carer…
I have been in terrible homes. If that woman is willing to cyber bully teenagers, what the heck is she doing to her foster kid?
The sooner I change my number and get an AVO against those whom I truly need it against, the happier I will be…